been helpful, the one exercise that stood out above the rest was the discussion we had around
the tree about its resiliencies. Our discussion was not linear: certain responses triggered
reactions that veered the discussion in other directions or connected to previous discussions,
after which we would come back to the original question—and so the process went. For
instance, in answering the above question, participants started off talking about what had
been helpful to them, but before all could contribute to the question, the conversation moved
to how the TOL could be used to help the rest of their members. During that discussion a
debate arose about whether it was possible to correct the past, leading to another detour about
what exactly could be changed or corrected about history, before the conversation turned
back again to the initial discussion regarding the Tree of Life, to which we turn below.
Away from a Need for Revenge: Change in Tone of Language and Attitude
During the dialogue sessions and before the TOL workshop, there seemed to have
been a general consensus among the participants about the need for revenge. This issue
specifically, as well as other similar sentiments, was discussed robustly. Several of the
participants appeared to favor the exaction of vengeance in one form or another, if given an
opportunity. They could not see any other way of dealing with the situation besides getting
their own back. “T” succinctly summed up the hopelessness of the situation as he perceived
it: “I can’t see the way through. The only way through is the way in. The way we got in is the
way we will come out” (italics added). At the workshop review, this tone of language and
attitude had changed significantly and the focus had shifted to healthier ways of dealing with
the hurts. The discussion indicated that there had been a notably diminished desire for
revenge by most participants. As noted by “T:”
I for one had that mind that if one day, if I’m given that chance, I would do it. But
looking at this workshop, the way things were laid out, I had or maybe I gained a
positive attitude...I noticed that after this I just had a positive mind...
He further indicated that, whereas previously he saw nothing good in the offender, which is a
step away from the dehumanization of the offender (see Oelosfen, 2009), he now tried to rehumanize or, as he put it, “view the person with a positive mind.” “T” added: “...I think it’s
what I said before, that the violent manner has left, and in the end I also realized that for this
thing to end I should not solve it violently...” Several participants expressed similar views.
While a few had specific individuals in mind when it came to the question about to
whom the vengeance would be meted out, by and large the indication was that vengeance
would be targeted at ordinary members of the ���offending” ethnic group. In my past, I had
encountered this attitude among countless survivors and Ndebele activists over the years, so I