NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION/COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION (Mini lecture, discussions, role plays and simulations) Non-violent communication is a concept that has components of both active listening and ‘non-violence’ or ‘do no harm’. It focuses on how language and words can be used to improve the ability to communicate. Basically, the way we talk and the words we use can often harm ourselves and others. Rosenberg explains non-violent communication as speaking and listening that enables us to give from the heart, connecting us with ourselves and with each other in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish. Non-violent communication is premised on the understanding that behind all human actions are needs that people are seeking to meet (Kashtan & Kashtan, 2006). Understanding and acknowledging these creates a platform for human connection and for more harmonious relationships at all levels. There are two key words in this type of communication, namely ‘compassion’ and ‘honest self-expression’. Compassion: This involves listening with empathy. It means listening with one’s heart and to the heart of the other person. ‘Empathy’ refers to respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. It requires emptying of the mind and listening with our whole being. Rosenberg argues that we say a lot by listening to other people’s needs. It also means communicating in a manner that contributes to the well-being of another person. Honest self-expression: This involves stating with clarity the needs and feelings regarding an experience. It requires the careful selection and use of words. This translates into avoiding words that dehumanise, blame, threaten, force, instil fear and judge others. Individuals must communicate in a way that encourages understanding and connectivity. Non-violent communication skills Rosenberg identifies four components of non-violent communication that help individuals to express themselves and also listen to others. These components, which are explained below, are observation, feelings, requests and needs. Observation: This means describing what we see and hear without being judgemental or including our own interpretations. It also entails being able to specify the behaviours that are affecting an individual. This way of communicating encourages being listened to and being heard. It also encourages a response and the sharing of needs. Feelings: These are emotional experiences associated with met and unmet needs. The aim is to identify and express feelings using descriptive words without blaming, criticising or interpreting what the other person is feeling. It is a method of communication that encourages an individual to take responsibility for their experience. Requests: Requests are made in order to meet a particular need. They involve the ability to communicate by saying what one ‘wants’ and not what one ‘does not want’. When using non-violent communication, requests are intended to connect individuals and assist in finding solutions. They imply acceptance when a ‘no’ answer is given, but also the continuation of negotiations until a solution that is satisfactory to all is reached. A request must be different from a demand and must also not obtain a response driven by fear, shame or the desire for a reward, because this compromises connectivity and trust. Module 5: Communication in community healing 91 5